Saturday, July 18, 2009

When Toilets Are Mutinous

clogged again Pictures, Images and Photos
I had a grotesque plumbing situation this morning and I'm proud to say that I dealt with it myself. My son constantly clogs our toilets. I'm not sure what happens when he's in there, but I assume it involves a lot of flushing and toilet paper. I should probably monitor his flushing and paper usage, but kids need their privacy. I just wish he'd understand how scary shit water can be when it's fixin' to spill onto your floor.

We have three bathrooms in our house, one on every story. It sucks to have to clean so many, but when you have had stomach bugs, like our house had this past week, they are very, very welcome. I'm not sure what we'll do when my daughter is potty trained and Mr. Rotovirus comes to call again. I guess we'll draw straws for using the Compost Woods.

Apparently the toilet in question was clogged last night, but I somehow didn't hear my son telling me the awesome news. So this morning, he goes and adds more to an overfull reeking pot. When I went into the bathroom, I saw that it could erupt at any moment and make my house its own Bog of Eternal Stench. I was terrified. I don't want to clean a nightmare like that. It had to go down. I'm sure that my evil air conditioner was laughing about this mess. He is especially irate because we weathered a heat wave these past two days without him and I blogged about his cruelty. (You know that he spies on my Internet activity!)

I got a plunger and tried to empower myself. I managed to drop an air freshener spray onto the floor waking my husband who said some beastly things since he's on call this week and has been working all night long. I wasn't going to let crankiness deter me; I had a mission.

I shoved the plunger into the abyss and held my breath while I flushed. I plunged and plunged because my floor depended on it. The raw sewage started to rise almost to the edge, but then miraculously, started going down. All of it gone, leaving a filthy, reeking, but empty bowl in its departure.

I really deserve a medal.


Daisy said...

Whew! You were very close to disaster there!

Anonymous said...

Anyone who can make toilet plunging and shit water sound interesting must truly have the writer's gift. I see a Pee-You Litzer Prize in your future.

Funny writing, J... your blog is often the highlight of my trolling for goodies. I wasn't expecting a poopie treat, but hey, we take 'em where we can get 'em. Treats, that is.


Suzy said...

Been there, done that. It's awful isn't it?

Jessica said...

Daisy, I was and my cat was watching it all like always.

Ananji, that's so sweet of you! I'm glad this is one of your trolling stops!

Suzy, yeah, hopefully I won't have to deal with it again for a few weeks at least.

A.Marie said...

EWWWWWW!! Gross!! I'm glad that it all went down!

Hey, I almost came over to your blog and posted a comment about something HILARIOUS that happened to me...the other night. I just knew that you'd think it was funny; okay, here's what happened:

I was over at a food blog, and I was leaving a comment about this yummy, wonderful dessert that they had blogged about. When I hit Publish Your Comment, you know how those words come up that you have to type in? Well, my word was VOMOT! I looked at that and at first I thought it said VOMIT. I thought, Gross! Then, the longer I looked at it, the funnier it got. (Hey, what can I say; it was late at night!) LOL

Anonymous said...

Isn't it completly scary when the bowl full of nasty rises all the way to the top and you are just envisioning the overflow?
Some little girl in our house has had some major toilet troubles. Sometimes she flat out refuses to flush b/c she is afraid of the overflow. No one needs half a roll of t.p.! Na

Jessica said...

A.Marie, yeah that would be a weird word to have to type in. I always read those things wrong and have to do them over and over again.

Na, they really do like to use that tp, huh? And they think that flushing it multiple times in a row will help it all go down so Mom doesn't know!

Frances said...

Yeah for you, taking control and avoiding disaster!

Why is is that the male species clogs toilets so much??? I don't know any women that regularly clog it. Food for thought. LOL!

Jessica said...

Frances, maybe it's because men don't use toilet paper as much as women so they just don't have the experience with it?