I Carried a Watermelon

I didn't spend my summer in a fancy family resort in the Catskill Mountains dancing my heart out, but I still managed to learn some life lessons along the way. People say they like lists, so I decided to condense this summer with my crazy kids into my own list.

Saturday Night (or any night) is Alright for Fighting
Even with a 4 year age difference between them, my kids are really enjoying all the manifestations of sibling rivalry. They fight over toys, books, food, cartoons, and YouTube videos. At any given time, each wants what the other person has. My son will whine, my daughter will screech. I never have to worry about a scarily silent house, there is always the constant music of bickering. They are fighting right now because who likes Cartoon Network besides 6 year old boys? I am being a good mom by ignoring it and typing away.

Eat at Fat Eddie's with the Pigs
Aside from my sister, I doubt that anyone will understand the above title. It comes from a collection of songs recorded dutifully on cassette by the two of us as kids that unfortunately never made it to the Billboard Chart. It also happens to fit how much my kids have been eating this summer. Gallons of milk, aquariums of Goldfish, entire farms of produce, and enough rashers of bacon to feed a Dickens' orphanage. It seems I'm always at the grocery store, which leads to more fighting (see fighting) and more fun. My son always enjoys boredom eating on his vacations and my daughter hasn't met a food or quantity of food she didn't like.

The Mud Wallow and Other Exciting Activities
My kids have constructed their very own mud wallow in the backyard. It is a sizable hole filled with mud, ringed by rocks. They throw rocks in, they take rocks out. They dip their body parts in and then track it into the house. I strip them down, let them play, and then rot in my lawn chair ala Kate Gosselin (except I have no one to call on my cell phone). Basically they can do what they enjoy as long as it doesn't cause too much undue stress to my person. They can always be hosed down. Other fun times have included playing in the rain, jumping from beds onto pillows, and building forts made out of bedding. If it doesn't directly involve me and there is no fighting, they can have at it.

The Mathematics of a Mess
There is a formula to messes, but not being very good with math has left me trying to figure it out. Say that I'm cleaning up a destroyed cornbread muffin in the kitchen, Child A is stacking all the VHS videos in the morning room and knocking them down while Child B is dumping out a huge box of Legos. That is 1 mess being cleaned up to 2 messes being made. I go and clean up the Legos, but there is still the VHS videos and now Child A is pulling down a roll of toilet paper while Child B is spilling pink milk all over the floor. That leads to 3 messes which will lead to 4. Is it multiplying itself exponentially? What does that even mean? It's too complicated for my muddled mommy brain, but it explains why my house is always nightmarish. The best way to solve this problem to do is sedate both kids and clean all the messes and then start from scratch in the morning.

In Conclusion
I think I hit all the fine points of this summer vacation. Everyone is still alive and my vocal cords hurt from yelling, but it's all in good fun, right? I bought a 16 lb watermelon to celebrate. It's a serious bitch to cut, but the kids seem happy with it and maybe it will last 2 days? The last time I had such a huge melon, I was throwing it into the street and scooping up the flesh with my hands under the scorching Georgia sun. As much as it's nice to fall into a reverie of the past, you have to make new memories. You have to carry a watermelon.