Your Weekly Horoscope

*This week I've randomly drawn some beloved Garbage Pail cards from a deck to help you with your astrological potential.

Capricorn: Polluted Paul It seems as if you may be swimming through the sewers this week.

Aquarius: Blasted Betty You have a lot on your mind and it's giving you migraines.

Pisces: Coiled Carl You might as well be in the belly of a snake because you have been too busy to see the world around you.

Aries: Stinker Belle Your puke is rainbow colored and you feel like flying.

Taurus: Ham Actor There is nothing more thrilling than having someone's rapt attention.

Gemini: Viv E. Section You've been paying very close attention to your innards.

Cancer: Foul-Towel Raoul You can't seem to control the messes you make.

Leo: Birthday Kate You are still recovering from a wild weekend.

Virgo: Hy-Cholesterol It's probably not a good idea to indulge in Monsterburgers this week.

Libra: Nasty Nick You have a decided to become more vampire-like in your seduction.

Scorpio: Play Penny You have had enough of being Mrs. Summer Fun Time.

Sagittarius: Itchy Mitch This hasn't been a good summer for avoiding bug bites.