Friday, April 24, 2009

The Compost Woods

I am a recycling fiend. I try to recycle almost everything I can. I feel true ire when it's trash day and I see massive amounts of garbage bags and one lone pizza box in a recycling bin. It's even worse when there are massive amounts of garbage bags and one lone bag of dog shit in a recycling bin. I could go into detail about about my exact feelings upon seeing fecal waste in a recycling bin, but I'll spare you the vehemence.

As I was saying, I try to do my part to help Mother Earth. Composting interests me greatly, but it sort of interferes with the lazy part of my personality. I prefer to fling apple cores and stale bread into the woods behind my house rather than toil over a box of dirt and worms. I'm almost positive that these actions anger my neighbors, but as they are the same people that recycle their canine crap, I don't particularly care.

I am extremely popular with the local wildlife. I once saw a crow catch a tandoori chicken leg in mid flight. It was a sight to behold and I tried not to let the thought of fowl cannibalism bring me down too much.

Yes, I know that I could be inviting the rabid and the feral into my home, but I generally do not see the recipients of my composting. I throw out unwanted food scraps and the next time I check, they have vanished. Unfortunately, I believe my son may have witnessed what he calls a "werewolf" while playing in the backyard. It must have come by for a snack and now he is terrified to play out there. It wasn't long before the Scooby-Werewolf mystery was solved and the culprit identified. It was a very tame and obese fox that calmly trotted by my husband one night in the backyard. I may or may not recall an evening last summer when I tossed some food scraps from a cookout to a fox kit hiding in some bushes. Apparently he's fattened on my offers to The Compost Woods for the past year and has become a werewolf.

Should I stop this half-assed composting? The threat of animals foaming at the mouth could lurk in the shadows of the trees, but I have to think about the fact that my trash does biodegrade very quickly in the bellies of wildlife. It's like truly being part of a circle of life. I could go ahead and put that Elton John song into the soundtrack of my life and I believe that it makes Mother Earth very proud.


I'm Laura. said...

You are hilarious! Your sister has been telling me stories of breaking into trailers this morning...

Jessica said...

Thanks! Those stories will be coming!

Anonymous said...

hee hee hee, I didn't know the fox was obese! I think better to be half-assed than not do it at all! Yea for that circle of life!
:) KateO