The Compost Woods

I am a recycling fiend. I try to recycle almost everything I can. I feel true ire when it's trash day and I see massive amounts of garbage bags and one lone pizza box in a recycling bin. It's even worse when there are massive amounts of garbage bags and one lone bag of dog shit in a recycling bin. I could go into detail about about my exact feelings upon seeing fecal waste in a recycling bin, but I'll spare you the vehemence.

As I was saying, I try to do my part to help Mother Earth. Composting interests me greatly, but it sort of interferes with the lazy part of my personality. I prefer to fling apple cores and stale bread into the woods behind my house rather than toil over a box of dirt and worms. I'm almost positive that these actions anger my neighbors, but as they are the same people that recycle their canine crap, I don't particularly care.

I am extremely popular with the local wildlife. I once saw a crow catch a tandoori chicken leg in mid flight. It was a sight to behold and I tried not to let the thought of fowl cannibalism bring me down too much.

Yes, I know that I could be inviting the rabid and the feral into my home, but I generally do not see the recipients of my composting. I throw out unwanted food scraps and the next time I check, they have vanished. Unfortunately, I believe my son may have witnessed what he calls a "werewolf" while playing in the backyard. It must have come by for a snack and now he is terrified to play out there. It wasn't long before the Scooby-Werewolf mystery was solved and the culprit identified. It was a very tame and obese fox that calmly trotted by my husband one night in the backyard. I may or may not recall an evening last summer when I tossed some food scraps from a cookout to a fox kit hiding in some bushes. Apparently he's fattened on my offers to The Compost Woods for the past year and has become a werewolf.

Should I stop this half-assed composting? The threat of animals foaming at the mouth could lurk in the shadows of the trees, but I have to think about the fact that my trash does biodegrade very quickly in the bellies of wildlife. It's like truly being part of a circle of life. I could go ahead and put that Elton John song into the soundtrack of my life and I believe that it makes Mother Earth very proud.