Thursday, April 23, 2009

Favored Pastime

I have to admit that I find motherhood taxing. To be really truly honest, I find life quite taxing. I am an introvert and I adore alone time. I understand the appeal of being a hermit. I have a secret wish to one day become a sadhu. Suburban motherhood does not exactly give you the means to wander off alone in contemplation, but I've found a substitute that isn't too shabby. When my kids are high on life and the house looks like an insurance ad featuring a natural disaster, I like to put on a record (preferably James Taylor's Greatest Hits) and lie down upon the floor. I call this act rotting on the ground. I let my head empty of all thoughts no matter what chaos is unfolding around me. I meditate on the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston and nothing else seems to matter. It's like mentally crawling into a void and it is very refreshing. Once I've had my fill of nothingness, I can return to the shrieking and the clutter. I can put on the soundtrack to Flashdance and become Alex Owens for my kids. I am not a serene person and I'm not one for prayers, but somehow tranquility and spirituality can find you prone on the ground listening to the familiar scratching of vinyl.

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