Monday, May 18, 2009

Your Weekly Horoscope

*I am not an astrologer and if I find out your sign, I can and will use it against you.

Capricorn: You will find yourself in a pickle this week and your bad attitude will not help you get out of it.

Aquarius: You will help out someone in need and they will be very grateful.

Pisces: You will amuse yourself by making dirty jokes at work. Your coworkers will love you, but your boss will not.

Aries: Your looks are your main priority this week. You could be balding, growing a wee pot belly, or you just loathe your current handbag.

Taurus: You have a minor obsession with YouTube and people are afraid it isn't a passing phase.

Gemini: Your writing inspires others and your ideas are totally awesome.

Cancer: You can't stop drawing all over yourself with pen and no one understands why.

Leo: You are settling into a new career or job nicely. This is a good week to read The Joy Luck Club.

Virgo: You have been mysteriously silent lately, but no one is interested in prying secrets from you.

Libra: You call people at weird times and it's becoming bothersome.

Scorpio: You have been doing a poor job recycling. Remember to take pizza out of the boxes first before you put them in the bin.

Sagittarius: You should probably look thorugh your clothing this week and donate items you don't wear.


Anonymous said...

I'm a Capricorn and this fits me perfect. Can you "see" what kind of a pickle it will be? I hope its a sweet pickle and not dill, I'm not having much luck lately. And would you know how to change my luck?

Jessica said...

Maybe it's just a little gherkin and will be resolved quickly! Now that I know your sign, I will be helping you in the next week! ;)

Anonymous said...

Lots of love!!!! And my birthday is December 29th. No voodoo curses, I have about 3 now. Seriously never curse anyone it comes back like 10 fold!

Anonymous said...

I would never leave pizza in the box to recycle- I would be eating it for sure. No waste here! Na

Jessica said...

SonyaAnn, I would definitely never curse anyone!

Na, unfortunately you share the same sign as my neighbor so next week, will be your turn!

Anonymous said...

"Na, unfortunately you share the same sign as my neighbor so next week, will be your turn!"
In a good way? Or am I going to have more problems? Please say no cuz, I can't take any more threats!

Jessica said...

SonyaAnn, I was addressing (Na) the annoynmous poster.

Now that I know your sign, I will give you a good week next week too. I was using someone else for my Capricorn this week! ;)